i really hate this feeling
all i can do is hope tat its not true
hope tat it wont happen
i really think it wont
but wat if mayb it does happen?
**** and ******* agrees with me loh
we all don 1 it to happen...
cross fingers and pray~
I keep looking at those things
the photos the chats
the things which only they understand
which i don
its starting to make me feel so emo
like wth
to *******
thanks for talking with me ytd :)
i've known you for so long
but seriously
tat was like the 1st time you actually
told me something
you are so pro
i should really learn from you huh :)
wrote this with my tears @ 11:22 PM
ITS MY BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!!!!!!!!
so im gona talk bout wat happened
the things i can remember la :x
went to school like normal
went to parade square with geraldine
paul was at the 3rd floor
and he shouted happy birthday down :)
geraldine said tat was romantic =.=
went back to class
which paul said was locked
but geraldine opened
PAUL FAIL!!!!
ruth said happy birthday :)
kimberly said happy birthday :)
loads of ppl said happy birthday :)
and some gave me presents :)
den chapel
super sleepy
slept almost the whole way through :x
den maths
before mrspeh came
the guys was writing things on the board
trying to sabo me!
but i erased it :x
i noe im a bad sport but its natural reflex XP
yeeyuan still purposely write super high
den i cnt reach!
heng... i wasnt sabo-ed
den recess
which was eaten by muffin test
cus sandykoh messed up the date =.=
but it was still quite fun
took pics of all the muffins
gona post them on fb soon
every1's muffin was all quite nice :)
and mine didnt fail!
it was quite nice too :)
den went back to class with kui after getting scolded by sandykoh
he said mark used his recipe
so i guess his tasted tat way
so i indirectly ate his muffins :)
went back for chinese
it was like normal class la
wasnt sabo-ed :)
den history
which i got sabo-ed
english. chinese. kui still 'malay! filipino!'
super funny :)
ate the muffins in class
den slept through the rest
mr chang is nice :)
den lit
class test
and busy writing
after school was when the fun started :)
kui mark mana titus went to somerset ytd to buy and decorate cake for me!
i tot they went to study sia! still wanted to join them lols!
the cake tasted real nice
though it looked notreallynice
i feel so touched :)
got cream on my face and hair expectedly
run like siao when kui chased me
but still got the cream =.=
den went home with yeeyuan :)
i'd rather not talk bout wat happened at home
its basically normal anyway
my birthday was awesome
but it wont be without my friends
so....
THANKS to those we wished me happy birthday
THANKS to those who chipped in for the cake
THANKS to kaiteng xinying denise jenessa shimin geraldine jiajia who gave me presents
THANKS to kuiqiang mark mana titus for buying the cake
lastly
THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR MAKING MY BIRTHDAY AWESOME TTM :)
wrote this with my tears @ 7:32 AM
oh fuck.
i wrote a super long post on my bday jus now
but it didnt save!!!!!
gag
i'll need to write it again
wait ppl!!!!!!!
wrote this with my tears @ 6:40 AM
to *******
thanks
you were the only one who actually noticed
and cared enough to ask why
when im notinagoodcondition
im always emo not only cus of him kay
thrs other things...
so please don presume tat its him
when you see me sad
either way, im over him
to ****
sorry
i noe your -letsay- problems
are bigger than mine
harder than mine
more fucked up than mine
but i jus cant handle things like you can
i cant fake up a smile as well as you can
i cant keep a facade as well as you can
i admit all this
and im really very sorry
cus im acting like my problems are bigger
harder and more fucked up
jus cus i cant handle them
im really trying my best here
im trying to fucking let go
im trying to smile
so pls, jus for this while
until im done trying and it actually works
jus let me be
to *******
im really happy for you
seriously
you don hav to put me before him
i'll pop up imediately and replace him
if anything ever happens
pinky swear ok
i'll always be here for you
like you're always here for me
im really thinking the bad way
but still, back up plans for you
ME :) jus tat im no lesbo
to ****
i seriously give up trying
you fucking piss me off
when you say tat you cant do it
cus i noe it wont kill you
i noe why you act this way la
but den, do you really hav to do this?
cant you see how much more weirder things became
sometimes a girl jus wanna keep to herself
you cant expect her to tell you everything
things of the heart
needs to be straightened out by the person her/himself
help may be of use
but not now
people change
jus cus you liked her and not anymore now
you don hav to treat her like tat
and ohya
im not pretending to like her
im pretending to be dumb and acting as if i dunno
to ****
you are annoying
but still sweet
so thanks
i really hav no idea wat else to say other than tat
its like you can choose timing 1 loh
everytime im crying or something
den you'll come over and talk with me
lols. thanks.
to ********
i noe you noe
cus ,well, **** said you knew
so ya
thanks for pretending
but don worry
im over you
even if im not
i'd act like i am
hope tat i didnt cause you any, problem
or make you feel burdened
wrote this with my tears @ 11:22 PM
seriously
im trying my best
but it isnt working
it still hurts me to see
it still hurts me to hear
it still hurts me to know
guess she was right
you don hav a choice with this kind of stuff
i really tot tat i could
i tot if i tried my best
i could
but i guess i was wrong
wrote this with my tears @ 4:27 AM
fuck
i don noe why i feel this way
everytime i talk to anyone bout things
like this
i jus feel so sad
to ****:
thanks hor
i mean its really weird the way you know wat im thinking and everything
but at least i know someone cares enough
to try and understand
guess he's really jus too dumb
to find out anything
but i guess its really better this way
him being dumb will let his relationship with her last longer
cus we'r too sensitive, things jus isnt working out
but still
cheer up!
your problems cant be bigger than mine
considering you being a guy
and you and HER are perfectly normal
but den the monday thing, still, sorry for probing
don emo! :(
wrote this with my tears @ 9:51 PM
*hai*
didnt go out with denise and xinying ytd
didnt have the mood to go out
and today den i realised
tat i didnt reply denise's messages ytd
sorry denise
i felt completely emo ytd
i dunno why
:(
*hai*
i dunno if i should pull out of nanjing trip leh
im currently 90% on the *pull out* side
if denise nvr go. 5%. and mana pull out with me. 5%
but im not sure bout both
i have no idea wat to do
i mean go nanjing
it sounded fun
but now tat i actually think bout it
its a little mafan
and it'll be freaking cold thr
and i don hav any winter clothing
and seniors say tat by den
the snowing season is over
so i wont get to see real snow even if i go
:(
*hai*
tmr oso dunno if i should go out
with mana, kui, thomas, stephanie and marylin
thing is i haven ask my mum =.=
but i think she'll let me go
another thing is im not really close to stephanie and marylin
especially marylin, i don even say hi to her =.=
and thomas is annoying
and i jus finished doing a fb note/quiz thingy
which said im 96% mentally unstable
HELP!!!!!!!!!! :(
wrote this with my tears @ 6:02 AM
should i delete my blog?
no one comes here anyway
its jus tat i can write things here
and ppl who come here randomly will be reminded
of wat an emo-kia i am
seriously mana
my blog is not out of bounds to anyone
especially you :)
i've learnt my lesson to write THINGS
in the notes section of my hp
instead of here
its much safer there
i don hav to worry bout hurting anyone
okay so....
went to make muffins at xinying's house today
it was super fail
and the oven couldnt work
will short circuit like wtf
firstly we went to buy ingredients
and all those things we need
then after tat went to xinying's house
totally messed up her kitchen
den after tat eat duck rice
lols...
next, went to take bus go j8
i missed 410 =.= so had to wait for super long
i got to the library 2nd floor
1st thing i saw, amanda woon.
lols. with some other ppl.
got to mana, kui, mark thr
saw this other kid
who is titus
i have no idea who he is
jus tat he's super annoying
titus and mark
are like paul and matin
jus tat they'r not funny
sat thr for a while
and i realised im turning 14 in 14 days :)
den went to stadium station
to eat yoghurt
yeeyuanowner is funny like siao
lols
went back to station
i go take mrt home, the guys went dunnowhere
mana arh mana
seriously. we are girls
but you cant expect guys to do things
you think its normal for them to wait
but i'll feel bad
im an emo-kia
fine i admit
but this is who i am
i trying my best here
:(
wrote this with my tears @ 6:41 AM
to ****:
damn
you are great at making me emo
like seriously
im not blaming you la
its jus everytime
i tot i got over it, tat its finally over
at least i make myself think tat
but once i talk to you
you tell me something
and it all comes back
**** was right
********* kills
yeap, its killing me now
to ****:
it isnt as if i want to let people control my emotions
if i could control my emotions
i would make myself be this happy girl
everyone wants me to be
people's opinions are of secondary importance
no their not
at least his isnt
just so you know
im pretending to be this girl everyone wants me to be
and becus of tat im who i am now
thanks for the concern
but i'll get over what im going through
at my own pace
which i hope is fast....
wrote this with my tears @ 6:47 AM
had the slc thing today
the tea and lunch rock
and i talked to wenting and xinying
bout things and THINGS
:) and :(
den after tat went to meet mana, mark and kui at j8
mark was in a complete emo mouth zip-ed mode
according to them mark didnt talk the whole day
but he did say something to me
before he said 'wat the hell' to all of us
ha! cant believe me coming actually worked
mana told me something shocking
and i got fucking seriously pissed
if mana and kui didnt say my eyes was red and started staring at me
i would have jus cried there
like seriously
damn
mark wont tell why he acted so weird
which jus added to my pissed meter
den when i taking bus home
i saw ***** and *******
they took the same bus like OMG
not OMG for me la, but if ****** knew
she confirm will be like 'really?! where they stop?!'
STALKER MUCH OMG
*hai* my life is getting worst everyday
:)
wrote this with my tears @ 5:59 AM
